Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Rather be somewhere familiar, somewhere else

Fancy this: I have actually written about 650 posts by now, and I realised it's too tempting to continue, and it's too hard to let this go and stop, full stop, so - here goes. More posts. Also, in some sense, to carry on the self-indulgent "all about me"-thingy that I seem to have initiated earlier this month, beginning with this post. And after all, maybe I am a little influenced by the many "trend blogs" and popular sites out there, not to mention facebook and über-egocentric twitter; the much hyped fashionistas and so on; that they might have inspired me to proceed on a slightly more self-centered track towards self-understanding, or whatever, at least - what I know is, it's not particularly bad for my self-esteem and it's more than a bit therapeutic - in a fun manner, that is, and more easy-going (on the brain). Moreover, it's a fine way of preserving (good, or relatively okay, or - well - various) memories. For myself, and my few - yet very important - followers. Not to worry, though, I won't be writing exclusively about my own state of mind and humpty dumpty trains of thought, from now on, I can assure you there'll be more interesting topics up for discussion, in addition to all that, and of preference, but I think Blogging is a good method - a good medium, source, field, etc - for expressing a wide range of thoughts and, needs be, worries, preferrably happy news, whatever one might care to share, I think it's quite a bit better than the afore-mentioned quick-messaging services of tweeting and facebooking, and I realised I'd rather post my random momentary notions here, than anywhere else, or there, or somewhere other, obscure, pop culture manifested, again: whatever. I'd rather be here.

Consequently, this is me being a bit Perez (Hilton), and blogging about my outlook on the world in a more straightforward subjective manner than earlier on, when I expressed everything through the eyes of University, Poetry and Photography. No doubt, this fashion will continue also, save for the former perspective which is now somewhat out of the picture, but everything is so...brief and shortcut and short-sentenced (i.e.: -lived), today. I'm not sure how one can still maintain (and act out) the contradiction, the definitive disparity any longer, to all this, but I know I must. Or, someone must. Someone must stand up and say, hey, we still need and long and unstructured ramblings about everything that's weird in the world and everyone we don't like, that're acting accordingly, that're making weird decisions one can't cope with. Keeping up the Blogging, in other words. That's the clue. But briefer, shorter, more constricted? I dunno. Will I ever? Should one, ever?

So, maybe, just maybe, this is just a way of saying I'm tired of the world today, I'm tired of quick, brief, short, effective, easy, random, accessible. I want thorough, old-fashioned, indulgent, research-based and enthusiastic interest-induced discovery recitals. Travel-monologues and reports from journeys, if only of the mind. I hate how we're all wanting everything at once. And getting it. How we want it all to be there, in front of us, by one click of the mouse, one dot in the http-window, one google search, and suddenly everything's on display, even the private snapshots of one's naked, unwitting neighbour. Bustling about. And that's something I don't want to see at 10 in the morning, whilst checking my emails. In fact, not at any hour of the day. I want to be left in peace, from all the inquisitiveness of today and people's desire to investigate and grab hold of you every five seconds because they need know everything, there and then, which is so evident from all the video blogs and general film coverage, on youtube and elsewhere, featuring murders, disasters, arrests, human cruelty, everything that's happening, here and now; but do we really want this spectacle, do we really want to see, to witness - and to know - all this? Does it make us feel, or be, any better - if we know what it looks like, if we know the numbers - in any case, when we still won't experience the actual feelings that are being presented? Someday, we might, when they do create that "Strange Days"-esque machine for re-envisioning events and re-exploring lost sensations, until then we make do with images. And images lie. Images are immediate and sudden and shocking and illustrative, to a certain extent, but not enough. They're an imagination, a resemblance, not the actual effect. And I want that effect. Somehow, I find that effect is only achievable through words and through fiction, other media, so I guess that's - consequently - where my heart must be laid to rest and find its consolation. Where the true imagination rises, and prospers. Where it helps, not only helps enhance.

(Or maybe - I'm affected by my spending more time with my Gran, who's a very wise and contemplative woman, who doesn't understand the haste and hurry of our current society and wonders how we cope with the business and constant demands. Made me wonder about that too. I want the calm, after the storm, somewhere, and find me somewhere I can make familiar enough to make it calm me down, and make the strength of storms pass more easily.)


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