Friday, November 30, 2007

A bit about Belle - and Billie

[Image: real-life leading lady, striking an inscrutable pose. Go Billie!!]

Hmm...the excuses I find to distract myself from working. Amazing to say the least. Being busy doesn't necessarily involve actual business, on my part, it involves doing things that make sense, albeit not holding a sensible meaning. I like net surfing, for instance, and the sites I frequent aren't always (or usually) very school related. It's not porn, either, but it's completely irrelevant in terms of philosophy and empiric science. Well, maybe not. I'd like to think otherwise. But I've been asked to memorize philosophers, numbers and movements, for which Imdb hardly can be said to constitute a useful source of information, nor is Wikipedia's massive "Doctor Who" section very helpful when it comes to the sociopolitical tendencies of the Englightement Era (although it seems enlightening to me). But, with regard to personal interests, I did come across some interesting news during my breaks of the day. For instance, the fascinating life of one Belle deJour, London call girl. That is a course of events worth mentioning, for it started off on a rather different basis than what you'd believe. I was checking Norwegian gossip sites, when all of a sudden, an image of Billie Piper in "Secret Diary" popped up on my screen. Big headlines; detailed article and spoilers underneath; somewhat unusual for a country that seems to have no interest, whatsoever, in "Doctor Who" or Billie or even David. However, the words "sex" and "major sucess overseas" had got them all attentive. It turned out that the site in question, seher.no, is stealing without bonds or hesitation from the British tabloids - of which I, to their disadvantage, am an active reader. So, I soon discovered just where they'd taken their "breaking news story" from. Literally cut, paste and translate; pretty disgusting. Still: to see Billie Piper's name mentioned in a purely domestic setting is bizarre, yet also very amusing. And the context was of course this "shocking" new TV series of hers - including racy screen cap's and everything, they'd done proper research - which NRK (hopefully!) will be tempted to purchase the rights for, sometime soon. In any case, after this they do know about it, in case they'll find themselves interested. I would have preferred a slightly different angle to the big story, however, since their main focus was on Billie's knickers (or lack of such) and her nomination for the Best Softcore Production award - which is no real compliment to this talented actress. Fortunately, they did manage to label her "the beautiful" and cite her wise statements about the porn business and playing Belle (all being correctly translated, too, for a change!) as a substantiating contrast to the whole "actress stripping off and being seductive"-thing. Which they were also mighty concerned about. (Together with everyone else, to be fair; since this role is somewhat deviating from that of Billie's previous one, as Rose, who was sweet is sugar and looks awkwardly innocent in comparison.) My real interest, on the other hand, was further awakened near the very end of the article, where the writer had posted a link to the actual Belle deJour Blog which I must admit I hadn't read that properly, beforehand, but now had the chance to check out. So, whilst I was supposed to dive deeper into the world of Hume, Kuhn and their likes, I was in reality skimming through the anonymous call girl's diaries and excellent writings about her daily routines in the English capitol. Her work, her boyfriends, her sexual habits. Quite outrageous and free-spoken, quite controversial at times and liberal enough to appall even the most tolerant of us. But her style is funny and easy-read; she appears to be a normal, above-average intelligent woman with a sophisticated language and recognizable problems, and I find it fascinating to get a sneak peek into this usually not-so-fachionable career. Remarkably so. Plus, some of her sharp-penned, witty phrases are just absolutely fabulous; like that one angry post about a severely tactless ex-boyfriend, where she said - and I quote: "Fuck perspective. Some men really are life support systems for their cocks." Made my day. Now, ordinary folks probably find it a bit astounding to be faced with very precise descriptions of demanding clients and how to perform blow jobs. That doesn't make it any less exciting, though, because we are indeed tempted by the extreme and out-of-the-ordinary, especially when it's portrayed in such a direct, brutally honest manner. It's not just entertainment - not at all, in fact - it's grim and emotionally upsetting, but Belle still keeps her cool and doesn't try to seem politically correct. She gives us both sides of the truth; the glamorous, well-paid one as well as the lingering moments of regret. You're not convinced to like or support her business; the way I see it, she rather provides some room for discussion. In order to make up your mind, it first needs to be set straight - and for that you need inside information, right? More than what the biased newspapers and magazines have to offer. That's how I can deal with writers like Belle deJour; I think we need to be familiar with her experiences, to consider her situation or that of call girls in general. Despite the fact that many won't admit to reading this, there's no discussing Belle's popularity; her delicate and discreet homepage is one of the most visited sites hosted by Blogger.com. Strange that I've never been aware of this before; nice to finally know what the fuss is about. Regardless how you view the message she's spreading. I doubt my blog will ever obtain a circle of readers that large, or the same kind of public attention, although that might actually be for the best. I wouldn't want for people to go identity hunting, trying to figure out exactly who disguises herself behind the alias of Scaramouche. Especially because it's no disguise, it's my name. My other name, but it's me, and that's what counts. There's just one Scara, and she's not ashamed of her true self! And now, all I have to do is by the book which derived from Belle's Blog writing. That should be a fine tale for the holidays, don't you think? Along with the DVD, lol. A new and dirty me - apparently!

Vekst og grobunn

Noen helt tilfeldige, meget lite planlagte tankestrømmer om å utvikle seg som menneske. Sannsynligvis fordi jeg har forlest meg på Kant og Bourdieu. Mer eller mindre intelligent å henfalle til, når man jobber mot eksamen på et universitet der egne meninger ofte avfeies som irrelevante. Men jeg gir meg ikke. Soundtrack: Kent - "Hagnesta Hill". Jeg tror jeg er iferd med å bli voksen. På mine helt egne premisser. Går det an å bli voksen uten å bli voksen? Spørsmålet kommer i kategorien "kan man være en akademiker uten å være akademisk", hvilket jeg vil hevde at er fullt mulig, jeg føler meg også som en representant for nettopp denne væremåten, men ytterligere - altså - en voksen som ikker er voksen men utvokst likevel. Hvem bestemmer hva modenhet innebærer - for det er jo det vi kaller dem, disse tilsynelatende reflekterte og etablerte menneskene med ordnet økonomi og avislesendes sterke meninger. Tja, der har vi i det minste én kategori. Men hva er egentlig de offisielle kriteriene for et modent vesen? Hva pokker vil det vel si å te seg voksent når så mange selverklært voksne ter seg uansvarlig og idiotisk? Jeg tror ikke der eksisterer noen definitive regler. Det hele baserer seg på synsing og teorier, og jeg har da her tenkt å legge frem noen av mine egne, høyst personlige innenfor kategorien. Et lite innblikk i min egen tankegang, det er stort sett det eneste jeg har å tilby her på Bloggen. Og i denne sammenheng: Jeg tror "modenhet" har med hvordan man forholder seg til verden å gjøre, slik man velger å formulere seg og makter å håndtere de forskjellige inntrykkene, de utenforståendes innflytelse; sine medmennesker og varierende omgivelser. Gjerne i form av veltalenhet og fornuftspregede uttalelser, hvis lar seg imponere av slikt, et mer nyansert syn på rett og galt. Å innby til respekt og å grunngi sin respekt for andre. Hvordan man absorberer samfunnets impulser, på et vis, hvordan man tolker dem. Det er ikke helt enkelt å sette ord på, men jeg synes at jeg går løs på problemene med en annen innstilling nå enn tidligere; at jeg har et mer helhetlig blikk. Før kunne jeg altfor ofte få følelsen av at allting rundt meg bare hopet seg opp, at det fort ble overveldende vanskelig å takle forskjellige uheldige situasjoner og konfrontasjoner. Man tar mestringen mye mer høytidelig når man er liten, spesielt fordi alt står og faller på utviklingen; at man evner å tilegne seg kunnskap, nyttige teknikker, viktige erfaringer. Det er lett å ramle utenfor, ikke henge med. Trå feil. Det virker så uhyggelig å ikke vite hvor man skal gå. Men strengt tatt vil man aldri helt vite hva som er den beste ruten å ta, hvilket man innfinner seg med når man blir student og registrerer at arbeidslivet faktisk er grunnleggende forvirrende. Hjerter brister, hodepinen tiltar, fortvilelsen skyller innover en som tidevannet i Themsen. Kaldt og guffent. Og selv om akkurat den følelsen går raskere over, jo eldre man blir; betyr det ikke at den forsvinner for godt, tro meg. De skitne bølgene avtar, men skumtoppene vedblir. Stundom føler jeg aldeles maktesløs overfor tidens gang og tingenes iboende faenskap; som like ofte velger å slå meg ut, med all sin kraft, legge meg i bakken og trykke meg ned - men min "modningsprosess" har vel gjort det enklere å omsette reaksjonene på den i konstruktivitet heller enn apati. Jeg tror det virker inn på både humøret og skrivelysten, i tillegg, at verden fremstår mer oversiktlig og mine funderinger omkring den mer veloverveide. Det handler mest av alt om holdningen til ens egen person, tror jeg; forfektet av dem man møter og reflektert i hvordan man fremstiller seg selv overfor andre. Langsomt bygger man seg opp en innvendig trygghet, mer eller mindre bevisst, som gir en dette etterlengtede "voksne" preget. Men nøyaktig hva det vil si kan jeg ikke sett fingeren på, jeg vet bare at det er gjenkjennelig og at vi higer etter det. Med sedvanlige desperate midler for å oppnå en ubestemmelig status. Noen klarer dette allerede mens de ennå er barn; mens de går på skolen; iløpet av de årene de heller burde utnytte til å være unge, frie, "uansvarlige". Leke seg gjennom dagene, ikke beherske seg. Man skal ikke fremskynde modenhetens inntog i livet. Kanskje er dette også min aller største kval: jeg er livredd for det standardiserte, det kjedsommelige, det absolutt pålagte, ved denne "opphøyde generasjonen". Likesom jeg ikke vil identifisere meg med deres tradisjoner. Jeg bærer i meg en intens frykt for ufriheten; dette å måtte innordne seg under kutymer som strider mot ens lyst og egne vilje. Men kanhende er jeg nå iferd med å komme til en enighet med voksenkulturen; et lite kompromiss oss to motpoler imellom. Nå, akkurat nå, kjennes det nemlig som om jeg beveger meg inn i de voksnes rekker -uten å måtte forestille meg, vel og merke. I den forstand at - vel, hva skal jeg si - en del ting forandres, nesten umerkelig, og mye er ikke lenger "så farlig"; mangt og meget fortoner seg enklere, man kan lene seg mer tilbake, bare skue utover og kjenne seg fullstendig avbalansert med det som foregår; være på høyde med hendelsene og feste grep om egen skjebne. Man vet at det varer og rekker før beslutinger er rede til å tas, man vet at man ikke vil kunne bestemme alt i morgen. Når man er ung skal man fikse alle problemer i en håndvending, mens de eldre - de mer erfarne - innser sine egne begrensninger og avfinner seg med dem. Erfaring er nok stikkordet her, i alle henseende. Det er dét vi tilegner oss for å kunne ta del i herligheten, for å kunne ytre meninger i deres selskap og ikke bli avfeid som "for unge". Men jeg tror ikke livserfaring baserer seg på antall år, men antall opplevelser. Og summen av disse skaper folk av et fe, for å bruke en metafor selv min kritiske norsklærer ville bifalt. Dannede mennesker med dannede meninger; et mer tilforlatelig syn på sin væren og gjøren og laden. Jeg håper det er dette voksenlivet handler om, for i såfall kan jeg akseptere det. Glatt. Likeledes vil det selvsagt finnes en mengde andre og svært forskjellige konsekvenser av det å bli voksen, som jeg nok vil vende tilbake til på et riktigere tidspunkt; blant annet hva interesser, prioriteringer og matvaner angår. For å nevne noe, sånn helt umiddelbart. Spørsmålet som derimot gjelder dem alle, er hva man må gi slipp på for å kunne kalle seg voksen; mht på hvilken måte man takler disse usikkerhetsmomentene i hverdagen. Hvis jeg får komme med en konklusjon vil jeg si "mist ingenting" - for det er de egenskaper man er utstyrt med som teller, og dem skal man utvikle, ikke kvitte seg med. Man kan forandre dem; peile egen personlighet inn på et bedre spor. Det er viktig. Samtidig lærer man så lenge man lever, og er nødt for å ta nettopp tiden til hjelp. Det er det den er til for. Råd og komplimenter spiller inn. Veiledning kan fungere begge veier. Studier bidrar i positivt og negativ forstand. Men ingenting er nyttesløst. Slikt får man også innprentet av å skifte beite. Og om det har kommet noe godt ut av dette halvåret med ExPhil, må det være at jeg har blitt meg mer bevisst min egen eksistens, grunnlaget for den, min egen identitet og hvordan man skal betrakte de mindre konkrete (les ubegripelige) sidene av vår tilværelse. Jeg har tilegnet meg uvurderlige erfaringer, naturligvis, og ja - jeg føler meg sikrere på mine egne syn, min evne til å fatte beslutninger, og følgelig føler jeg meg mer trygg i min egen skikkelse, mer tilfreds, selv om opp- og nedturene alltid vil være der, selv om forbitrelsen over urettmessig karaktersetting, overordnedes arroganse, venners forræderi og lignende uhumskheter; den totale overgivelsen til tårer og tenners gnissel; alltid vil hjemsøke meg. Derfor er det kanskje like greit å bare slå seg til ro med at sånn er nå en gang jeg (og sånn er livet); lære å kjenne alle aspekter ved ens eget sinn og skinn; tolerere dem; så takler man også motgang bedre. Dét er hensikten med å skulle modnes, slik jeg ser det.

Coming Soon

...to a Tescos near you! And then a small disclaimer, just to get it over with: I don't own "Doctor Who", not even remotely, but if I did things would definately have turned out otherwise, and since I can't stop thinking about that possibility (or should I say eventuality), I commit sinful little deeds like this. BBC, I am your greatest admirer, I am a dedicated fan of everything you produce, still sometimes you seem to need a tiny push - meaning a proper shove in the right direction, to be all honest - and yes, you make take this as a piece of well-meant advice. A serious suggestion and a genuinely hopeful proposition. Also, I really need to get myself a proper j-o-b. But that's for another discussion, later on. For now, this is what I've been working on.

Soundtrack of the hours: Doctor Who Television Soundtrack. The story goes as follows: I spent most of the afternoon - inbetween reading sessions, book skimming, phone calls and grocery shopping - contemplating how on earth they might manage to pull of the slightly dangerous and very much anticipated (already!) event that is the three last episodes of Series Four of "Doctor Who". I call this activity "breaks"; outsiders might see it as elements of severe distraction, and I'm not arguing, but it does take my mind off the troublesomeness procured by upcoming exams, challenging my senses, which is a sort of distraction I welcome and sorely need. Thus, I find myself happily daydreaming about loud and monumental music, epic dialogue, shouting Doctors and crying Billies, and it's all a bit...messy in there. Lame bits, plot-holes and missing conjunctions. I'm sure Russel T. Davies felt the same way when he was writing it. They're currently filming the first scenes down in Cardiff, so he better have the script ready and in order. In good shape, rather. I'd like to see the size of that first draft. Divergions aside, however, it's overly exciting to speculate - and I do have a lot of ideas that I can't pinpoint but continuously try to collect and structure. Attempting to create some expectations and fathomable theories, for my own sake, as to what I wish will happen. More or less specifically. Mostly at random, pretty nonsensical. And all of a sudden, I was thinking to myself, or - well, it dawned on me - that maybe they could steal some ideas from an old favourite film of mine, namely "Love Story". Yep, the "Love Story". Ali MacGraw, Ryan O'Neal, unexplained sickness and 70's fashion show. Also including one of my favourite film quotes of all time: "What can you say about a twenty-five-year-old girl who died? That she was beautiful and brilliant? That she loved Mozart and Bach, the Beatles, and me?" Proper tear-jerker, in other words, and the connection to musky beach scenes and lines like "For the first nineteen years of my life, nothing happened..." suddenly seems quite clear. I adore stories that make me want to just bear-hug the main characters, whilst watching; stories that inspire a want to cuddle up in a sofa with candles and a thick blanket and enjoy uncontrollably. Both "LS" and "DW" do, so it can't be denied that they have at least one thing in common. Moreover, I was searching the web for pic's from the 1970 drama, and found one which got me all inspired. Inspiration of an uncanny manner, that is. I spotted parallell(world)s and topics in common, just about everywhere, and most importantly I realized that love really means never having to say "I'm sorry", which is of course what The Doctor has been doing on a constant basis since he regenerated into a Harry Potter villain, and if there's one thing we wish to avoid at all costs in the new episodes, it's reaons to be sorry. That's what had me spurred: a strong desire for the two of them to finally find some peace, to find joy; to find the source of unlimited love, to find comfort, to find each other. First and foremost. And then, there was no turning back. I was imagining slow motion running sequences, bursting hearts and sunday evening dinner with Jackie. Blissfull family life. What I lack is the something in the middle; the conflict to stir up the situation, the complicated confrontation, the big fucking alien gun duel, whatever. Sure, we need that too. Add The Master, some Klaxons, a bitchy trampoline; and there you have it. Give them something to chase, and something to chase them. A breath of adrenalline fuelling suspense. But more than anything, I want this to be absolutely, insufferably and irresistibly romantic. That's the main point. That's my requirement, my demand. I want to be able to sit in my chair, my comfy recliner, and sigh with glee. Not bite my nails. Not jump and scream and endure both physically and mentally damaging break downs due to RTD's sick need for a final twist. "Love Story" might be an inconvenient example, in this respect, for it does end quite tragically; in utter, hopeless tragedy; but the love is very much alive, till the vey finish line, the relationship blossoms and thrives. I want a relationship like that, a proper one, between The Doctor and Rose. So much, I can hardly restrain myself. And today, I didn't. As a direct consequence, I ended up with something ridiculously shippy, completely adorable (with regard to my personal taste) and generally overloaded with fangirl influences. This is Series Four, or the Specials, of some off-canon fluff-stuff, whatever you'd name it, which is sort of what I'd make if I had the right resources and were given the opportunity. After this, however, I'm sure I never will be. But you never know. One day, the Beeb might call. And at least I'll have the finished DVD cover available!

[Artwork, below, by Scaramouche; yours truly. Using PhotoShop, strange abilities and passing fancies. Images stolen (albeit with no cruel intentions) from the BBC, Tragical History Tour and David-Tennant.com. DVD Details from the official DW-site. Ideas taken from various fan-com's and what's property of my own, above mentioned imagination. For the record, the cover is a proper mock-up of the one from my "Love Story" DVD, thus a little simpler than how I'd preferred it. All rights served, and don't bring charges upon me. I do it out of love, not spite! ;) Click pic's to enlarge, as usual!]

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Tuesday, November 27, 2007

QUITE RIGHT, TOO! :)

YOU ARE HEREBY WARNED: THIS IS GENUINELY SPOILER-FILLED FAN DROODLE!! If you don't want to know anything about Doctor Who Series 4, for the moment, then skip this post, stop reading, go away!

As for myself, here's the big (or)deal: Oh My God, BBC!!! You are seriously killing me! First "Jane Eyre", all weee and hop-a-long, and now this?! I am trying to prepare my exams, I am trying to concentrate, I am trying really hard to READ; and guess what you're doing to me! Starting off this morning with the heaviest speculations yet, after some fan-photos from yesterday's filming session in Cardiff revealed an unexpected, but very very welcome guest star, and suddenly - everything fell into place! Then, immense chitchatting over at the DW-boards, manic research, various articles about schemings and plottings, in the papers, and eventually: the official confirmation. Hello, guys - I am trying to be focused and dedicated, I am reading the most boring shite in the world, I log on to the net and open news sites to have a break, a moment of relaxation, and you give me - this:

Daily Mail, The Mirror
Time&Chips
BBC - official statement
Doctor Who-site reports
Billie-Piper.net (headlines)
David-Tennant.com (headlines, and including brand new promo pic from "New Earth"!)

Massive shock! Heart attack! Hysteria!!! It's on the radio, it's on the telly, it's all over the papers, and I am absorbed, I'm so eager for it to be true, I'm so eager to have these expectations fulfilled, and they'd better not spoil it! I am a poor fangirl, that's all, I don't know if my heart can handle this whole thing! I've only got one, as opposed to The Doctor, I'm not sure if the amount of glee this is producing is quite healthy for me. And it sure isn't any good for my studies. See, my professors don't even watch Doctor Who, far less admire Billie Piper, and they couldn't care less if I lose sleep and can't complete my papers because BILLIE PIPER'S COMING BACK TO DOCTOR WHO!!!!!!!!! FOR NO LESS THAN THREE EPISODES!!!!! Also, my neighbours don't like loud shouting and running feet in the corridors, and my friends don't like random, annoying phone calls with loads of inconsistent babble - mind you. But apart from that all I can say is THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!! Especially to Billie's mum, who apparantly was the one to finally convince her to get her ass back in proper business. Hurray! Wise woman! What a treat - on an ordinary Tuesday. I am officially flabbergasted!! And then, later, after trying hard to calm down and think clearly: there are so many ideas, so many wishes, so many teary-eyed requests; where should they possibly start? The gang of fans hold such an extreme load of demands and storylines they want to see, there are so many potential let-downs and disappointments and possibilities of ruining the whole story arc, to mess up everything - I do not trust Russel T. Davies one second! - but it can also be the greatest event ever in history, on television, and I can't help looking forward to it, more than I've ever been looking forward to anything, on television, so anxious I can hardly breathe, so excited I can hardly sit still, so terrified I can hardly decide whether to laugh or cry or scream (some more) - now, this is fandom for ya! It's not just butterflies and flowerbuds, this is seriously fear-ful matters of the most nail-biting kind! And maybe all the anticipation, all the begging, has actually helped? Maybe we needed to write so much, so often, so intendedly for them to realize it was indeed about time to bring back the one and only best-ever companion, and recreate the most adorable on-screen union in the whole of Time & Space? (Oh, and by the way, the number of reunion-fic's is going to skyrocket after this, just like the internet boards will explode, so beware!) If the myth about RTD's loyality to the Whovian community and David's background as a Who-fanatic are things to go by, I think it's fair to say we may keep our hopes up high. Although this situation creates a major problem, of course, known as risk of failure. Like I said; they'd better make it good, and have Stephen Moffatt pen it; they'd better make it so utterly brilliant we'll forget she even left, we'll be able to watch "Doomsday" with a sad smile, not an outburst of uncontrolled grief. Oh, heck, I'll bawl my eyes out anyway. Can't wait. Still, miracles do happen, and if the rumours are correct, then Captain Jack will make a comeback appearance as well; and if we get the three of them together, if we do get Rose/Ten/Jack as the new Team TARDIS, with merry old days and friendship and Cardiff coffee, then I'll be the luckiest fangirl in the whole damn world. So BBC: you make me happy, but you sure make me selective too. Crisis, wars or conflicts out there? Don't think so. All I care about is WHO. And all I want for Christmas is a proper, cute, no-problemo-whatsoever conclusion to the relationship between The Doctor and Rose! I want kissing, hugging, dancing and running! I want an overly romantic reunion, preferrably set to a Norwegian beach, somewhere outside Bergen - maybe they could even film it here??? now, that's a thought to die for! - with a more joyful soundtrack! I want a last smile and a twinkle in the eye, and most of all I need true, reciprocated LOVE! As in - "Weeee!!!" Likeso:

[Image: Billie & David at the TV quick awards - with statues! Me want more of this!! :) Courtesy of Getty Images (big thanks) and PhotoShopping Scara, all rights served.]

Monday, November 26, 2007

Mad fangirls in the attic!

[Momentary crush, and most recent fandom: Edward Rochester - as played by utter hotness Toby Stephens for BBC's "Jane Eyre". The man is not safe! Nor are his fangirls - so beware! Image courtesy of Walford Galleries - whose selection of celeb hunk portraits ironically reflect quite vividly the very subject of my writing! ;) All rights served, and thanks!]

Soundtrack: Roxette & Eminem. No, here's a little about the art of fangirling. Which comes to fascinate me more and more. Especially due to all the things (fandoms) we girls (and some boys too!) have in common. The sincerity and mutual interests. Astonishing to say the least. I do enjoy it. But how, you may wish to inquire, did these thoughts stumble upon me tonight? Basically, I was doing my usual round of searching the net for pictures and art involving a certain mister Rochester (Monday's the big Jane Eyre-day, of course), or should I say - his alias. Beautiful thingies galore, making it hard to pick, so I was looking around quite a bit. Consequently, I ended up surfing LiveJournal com's, which is what I then usually do, and I realised all the funny similarities between the various sites which had "tagged" (meaning referred to) Jane Eyre somehwere, listed something of interest related to the series, or declared themselves hopeless fanatics - such as myself. I am completely besotted - in no way unfortunate! - and how could I not be, seeing that this drama is so unbelievablt dangerous! Toby Stephens is completely lethal! Should have big warning signs and red lights all over him. The TV channel woman didn't even mention it, when she introduced the episode beforehand, that he'd appear with his shirt open and everything; she simply told us about the "exciting, continuing adventures of Jane at Thornfield" - exciting my ass; now, that's an understatement of the century! Wry smiles, winking, flirting; I thought my heart should rip open. And, fact is, I just had the grand epiphany of getting proper confirmation, I'm not the only one to endure this fatal treatment. There are thousands of quite normal individuals out there, who identify with my situation, and we call ourselves fangirls. All of us. But it doesn't stop there, oh no. There seems to be a variety of series, films, artists, whole concepts that are - in general - immensely addictive. Continuously building up entire networks of innocent followers, worshippers, admirers - the number increasing as I write. Naturally, these concepts are all fabulous, and do deserve their group of supporters, but do they actually understand how dangerous it's becoming? We spend so much time induldging in what they have to offer, and we don't mind! We anticipate every move they make, and when they don't offer anything further, we start making up stories of our own, based on them, which we call fanfiction! We create "you know you're obsessed"-threads, and spend hours skimming the Imdb for information and trivia. Naughty details that we can chat about, later on, with fellow slaves (sorry, fans) and brag about to anyone who'd care to listen, trying to make ignorant outsiders interested as well, not willing to fathom how we're trapped and trapping others. Such time consuming activities, which we grow so accustomed to, we couldn't live without it. I am absolutely lost to this tendentious trend; absorbed in my predilections; I check my favourite communities every day, I write fic's, I participate in discussions at (more or less serious) boards, I compose songs, I crop icons, I doodle and make wallpapers. I collect old classics, tunes that are destined to remind me, to bring back memories, and make fan-mixes because I want to continue remembering. I take part in conventions, quarrels (like who's the sexiest Doc ever, f.ex., none less relevant) and long chats; I promote fandom with sincerity and absolute seriousness. Yes, speaking of things in common, these are just some of our guilty pleasures. We're shippers; we cheer for fictious couples who don't even get together on-screen, we download tons of photos (since this is some kind of confession tour, I've got more than 4000 Doctor Who-themed ones) and we mourn the end of every season, every scene, every lyric. We have our own lingo, our own fandom vocabulary, and terms that non-fans won't even wish to learn. Rules of attractions that apply solely to us. I get new dedication, addictions, on a constant - well, monthly - basis. Some linger, some are more ephemeral, but they all mean a great deal to me. I have an endless amound of words to describe my fondness for them and use my thesaurus when I can't come up with more. I really should write more often about this, too; it's important, it's my life - it's becoming my most important hobby. I'm trying, indeed I am, but my mind keeps taking off, in somewhat odd directions, like 19th century England. Can't ever make fangirling coherent, that's part of the point. Now, after the slight derailment that was Ep. 2 of Jane Eyre, here is the full truth - well, not quite, but partly: we're mad. We're all very, very mad girls with nasty little minds and too much spare time on our hands. Some call us teenager-ish, and silly, some tell us we should know better and spend our precious lives more wisely. Yield to sensibility. Some even claim it's wasting away minutes we'll never have back. But we disagree. For us, it's worth its prize in gold. Pure entertainment. There's no price, only profit. Our intentions are...honourable, mostly, or - hardly think so, but our enthusiasm, our passion, our affection are utterly (compensatingly) genuine. Moreover, the loves, and our personal beloved, are strikingly overlapping. We just happen to adore the same kind of works. It's a genre-thing, I guess, but not consistenly. You come across all sorts of people, in all sorts of strange places, and they happen to enjoy the exact same TV programmes that you do. I started out looking for Jane, and found - Tennant. David Tennant. Old-school Whovians who were moping about Rose. Australian gals who loved John Simm and thought Gerard Butler was hot in "300". I discovered due to their overly eager icon-making, with small creations depicting folks like Gerry, David, Darcy, Chris and others of my fancy. Sorted into desirable categories; whole sections of likeable articles; labelled in the same manner that I have grown used to. Hunks and sweetness, squee and smiles. Rather disturbing trains of thought; picturing what we would want to do with (or to) whatever's-his-name if we ever met him, face to face, but these are all dreams, and happy ones, these are products of our fantasies, or intrigued imagination, and that's what makes it even better. I suppose, when you know few others close to you who fully grasp the idea of being a proper fan - I count to five, almost, and that's being kind - then it's just wonderful to uncover that there are numerous like-minded persons out there, out in the wide world, who are similraly enthusiastic about similar things. Unexpectedly too, I must admit. I didn't know Phantom-fans (Phans) would enjoy "Becoming Jane" or that "House M.D"-addicts would idolize Billie Piper. Technically speaking, I adore them all - and thus I'll adore all the other fans. It amazes me. But, naturally, some the concepts have qualities in common, as well, it's not only us. Same actors, same nationality (strangely, most of them are British, lol), same topics, same tone, atmosphere, background. Marvellousness in practice. Imagine being the mastermind behind all this; the writers and producers and true story-tellers; I tell myself, those are the ones we really have to thank. They come up with the original ideas, and will forever be remembered for them; they may look back on their careers and say; my goodness, what a difference I made for these people, how I managed to thrill them in unthinkable ways! I made them friends for the purpose of a common love - what could possibly beat that? For it is incredible, it is superb, it is worthy of rememberance and nods of honour. Take the example of "Heroes" and "WHO", for instance. Christopher Eccleston binding them together, even given lines that allow him to repeat his "Fantastic!" catchphrase, and Japanese überstar Hero (the glorious Masi Oka) being a Doctor-style Time Traveller - and ridiculously cute on top of it! Next, you have "Life on Mars"-star, above-mentioned John Simm, travelling in time again as DW's The Master, and combing those two fandoms, making fangirling quite a bit easier, that's what they all do; The Simpsons creating character-of-honour for a.o. Tom Baker, James McAvoy getting all tangled up, literally, in the universe of Jane Austen, and - not to forget the degrees of separation. Yet another momentum of our madness. I'll illustrate: Laura Frasier dated David Tennant in Casanova, and played Christina Cole's sister in "He knew he was right", where David played a priest, very awkwardly, but also brilliant, and Christina on her hand tried to kill David, as an evil witch on Doctor Who, whereafter she was a Bond-girl in "Casino Royale", flirting with Daniel Craig, but that just didn't quite suffice, so now she's chasing after Rochester in "Jane Eyre", and Rochester himself, Toby Stephens, starred in the Bond-film "Die Another Day", as we all know, in addition to starring in a Poirot-episode opposite Marc Warren and Annette Badland, who've both been on "Doctor Who", as well - and finally, the latter was in "Casanova" with no other than Laura Frasier. Surprised? Not really. I could go on like this for a while, but I should call it a day. I'll simply round off by declaring how it dawns on me that these are all circles. Good ones, that is. Fan-communities make the circles come full; uniting us in shared appreciation. So, my theory is, it's all about emotions. We enjoy stories that evoke - well - participation, of sorts, and heartfelt involvement. And these do. Objects of fandom may be severely different, but they hold an element of wanting us to feel something, to hold dear the main characters, to remain loyal for the rest of our days. Which we will. Scary as it might seem. Not to all, of course, but it will take some time - or, forever, to stick to the standard - to get me off the Doctor Whook. Hook. Pun. That's yet another item of our fellow tradition. Fans; no better, no worse. We're as good as it gets! To be continued, and never forgotten. Love's labour never lost.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Hestekvad

Blablablablabla. Heltekvad er altfor kjedelig, la meg endelig finne på noe helt annet og mer underholdende! Hadde en lang samtale med en venninne - gjett hvem! ;) - på msn her om dagen, som av alle ting utviklet seg til en diskusjon om leende hester. Vi synes da begge at disse dyrene ser ubeskrivelig lattermilde ut; de går liksom rundt og gliser, mer eller mindre konstant, med blottede tenner og viftende man og et skjelmsk, tilforlatelig uttrykk i fjeset. Veldig søte, men veldig bisarre vesener. Jeg er egentlig ingen utpreget hestejente, men er ekstremt tilhenger av Islandshester (som jeg også har fått sjansen til å ri på, for øvrig, hvilket var usannsynlig artig) - likesom jeg er stor fan av dyr generelt. Medlem av WWF, som sagt både titt og ofte, wannabe-veggis, men litt for glad i biff, og alle hunders store beskytter. Dyr er i det hele tatt en lidenskap. Kommer i kategorien Doctor Who & sjokolade; kan aldri få nok tankespinnerier om slikt. Hva angår den nevnte msn-samtalen gled den forsåvidt helt ut, etter dette - vi kom aldri tilbake på et fornuftig spor, men det gjorde ingen verdens ting. Jeg ble bare inspirert; spesielt siden jeg, tradisjonen tro, ikke kunne jeg dy meg for å skrive et lite versemål om saken. Dikt om dill. Typisk nok. Ytterligere klarte jeg å relatere det til den aktuelle tematikken om de egenskaper dyr og mennesker vitterlig har felles; våre mest fascinerende, minst åpenbare, mest intrikate likhetstrekk, og - altså - morphing. I allefall nesten. Og det ble i det hele tatt fryktelig banalt, men likeledes ganske festlig. Intet mindre. Redigerte opplegget en smule, litt senere, og kan ikke annet enn å poste det her:

"Verdig et vrinsk"
Av Scaramouche, po(t)eten, som lurer på om hun er helt ved sine fulle fem. I blant. På en annen side: har ikke hestestanden alltid fortjent et hyllest? En real dose beundring for deres...smittende, lettsindige humør?

få kan flire som en sorgløs hest
for hester ler ei sist, kun best
sjarmante med sitt blotte glis
en lattermildhet uten pris
triumfer oppnås kanskje helst
på baner, i turnering - frelst
for sportens skyld og salighet
hvorom der hersker enighet
blant gredde maner, flagrende
og hover, gallopperende
men om de vinner pallplass der;
blir uansett av meg holdt kjær
for frydefulles oppstemthet
det gjennomsyrer alt de vet
og lar oss glemme tapt og tørt
det løp er allerede kjørt
trengs ingen flere veddemål
den glede er en evig tål
som avgjort lenge før vår tid
lar hester gjøre meg så blid
en freidig tro på hell og lykke
når det kommer til et stykke
at alt går bra hvis salen holder
solide fotfeste; meg trygghet volder
og hester så forblir, kanhende
en løssluppen, kjærkommen frende

**
la sunnhetsgrad bestemmes slik
av dyreliv, naturlig lik
den form av sirkulerende
for evig rundt roterende
og givende raritetet - et ubekymret smil!
som bidrar med lykksalighet - og gjør meg liketil!

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Multilingual Po(t)et

I am unbelievably overloaded with savings. Stock market being flooded, storages packed and boxes filled. To the very rim and further additions on top. Wavering, wobbly stuff; late night ramblings and school related missions. Based on own free will of course. So very typical of me. And thus, here are some samplings and tiny bits and random paragraphs. Paraphrases, parachutes, parasites, I dunno. Language miscellany. Complete and utter confusion. Rejoice in the strange artistry of the Po(t)et and please don't take me for an attention craving clown of some conceited kind. Just - po(t)etic. Always.

PO(T)ETENS ÜBEROPPDRAG®, PART X: A PROPER STUNT! PERFORMANCE ART! Trying to be unconventional and quite an original artefact, whilst also celebrating another anniversary. Proud that I've finally found a proper form, an outline, a kind of magic (!) formula that I may use for times to come, and yield with inspired enthusiasm. Also including user manual and loads of rubbish detailing. This is proper head-banging, drumrolling, exhausting, long-time-no-time shite with a giant effort and a slick result. I count my steps to the door of the devil. All the while, singing. HURRAY, I'M A PROPER ARTIST NOW!

The Official User's Guide to Po(t)etens Oppdrag. And some specifications. Ok, this is how it works: now that we've reached part Ten and everyone's looking for the missing Nine (another Doctor Who-reference there, beware, and a very obvious one too!) others, what you can do is this (and it's quite simple): Just type "po(t)etens oppdrag" in the search blog-box just at the top of the page, and press - well - the search-button, whereafter you should get a number of posts popping up in your browser window, all entitled (one way or the other) Po(t)etens Oppdrag. Now, that was almost as detailed and complicated as the University's Computer Introduction Course that I had to do (endure, that is) last year - where everyone was either crying (with shame) or laughing (with disgust) or both. Fascinating stuff. But, furthermore: these are four very different poems, with regard to both quality and theme. A reproduction, of sorts, a fangirl musing, a dark reflective poem on the complicated aspects of life, in German no less, and something rather incomprehensible and potentially incorrect, which I wrote for my recent, and now completed, crash course in Italian. In other, more clarifying words: these are tiny samples of all the languages I know. These are examples, somewhat like a portfolio, of all that I'm capable of, as a po(t)et. And by the way, po(t)et is a proper profession, in case you wondered. Or were mistaken to believe otherwise. This is what I do. And this is what I love doing. This is all me, all of mine, all I know. Enjoy.

NORSK: GJENDIKTNING AV KENT
Mission: skrive et dikt som reflekterer stemningen i sangene til Kent, og tar i bruk Jockes favoritt-tema i hele verden, synes å være, altså å finne tilbake til noe eller noen eller seg selv. Style: Vesentlig kortere enn jeg pleier å skrive, men ikke nødvendigvis enklere. Dyptpløyende og konsist. Theme: Apokalyptisk, grunnende, reflekterende; tanker om verden og vesnene i den: noe der i gården. Twist: Kan bli lenger. Med tid og stunder. Men enn så lenge går jeg idolet Ezra Pound en høy gang, når det gjelder nedstripping av tekst.

"Løfter" - [technic draft] - enda nånting om att återvända.

Av Scaramouche, po(t)eten, med hemsk stor tack til Jocke. Underbara mann. Och med tack till Tvärslå, nett-ordboken. Varför det här ätte komplicerade projektet? Alltså, jag tenkte nu jag sku försöke att göra det hela lite mer fancy, eftersom att fortfarande bara skriva på Norsk - som jag så ofta gör - simpelthen bliver lite enkelt för en som Scara. Hihi. (Jeg har med andre ord virkelig latt meg inspirere av Kent her! Huhei!)

ingen kommer hit
for å vende tilbake
det synes ironisk
når vi stadig forsøker
å finne oss selv
og er vi ei slik
vi opprinnelig var
hva er vi da
vi strener i rute
og ute av sinnet
men finner det aldri
igjen

ENGELSK: DOCTOR WHO
Mission: write something simple, poignant, illustrative and fangirl-like about The Doctor as a character, yet also in honour of "Time Crash" and Peter Moffat's fandom-themed dialogue - which I thought was quite fantastic. Style: simple, as mentioned above, and showing a way of thinking, a consistent idea and an everyday language, that could be representative of the Doctor himself. Theme: Whatever will The Doctor do without his one beloved? Whatever will we fangirls do, as we keep on capitalizing the D and contemplating his fate? Never quite finish with the Beach Scene and its aftermath, either. Twist: Last lines are all mine and quite biographical. Nothing related, no continuity whatsoever, but a lot of context. Warning: SPOILERS AHEAD! If you haven't seen any episodes of series 2, if you don't know what happened to Rose and couldn't care less, if you don't like Time Travels, if you don't want to imagine how The Doctor would think of Rose, or how Rose would describe the TARDIS, if you don't support The Doctor and Rose's relationship, if you don't approve of soppy sci-fi droodles - STAY AWAY! And if you're such a Doctor Who-hater: why don't you sod off, while you're at it, you ignorant punk! This is for friendly faces only! As for fangirls and others: this is all yours. A dedication to the dedicated.

"Doctor's Narrative" - a plain and simple reflection on a very complex and difficult alien boy. By Scaramouche, the po(t)et, and biggest fan ever ever. Also, a response poem to the following, slightly related pieces: Rose's Story, The Lovers' Journey and, of course, Scara's excessive Birthday-babble. Never can get enough of these soppy shipping drabbles.

there is a man who roams about and never obtains peace
despite this, strangely merry, for he seems to be at ease
all dressed in brown, a sweeping cloak, both humourous and cunning
his world stands never still, he never stops, he keeps on running

whilst quick remarks and cheap shots cover up the darker silence
the underlying danger that is coped with; utmost patience
adventure has a price, he knows, you lose and next you find
but also, there's a prize, for which this man is never blind

whatever wishes forward put, shall be accounted for
be careful just, that when you wish, you do not wish for more
many times he's loved, then sought someone to love anew
but didn't bargain for a love so heart-breaking and true

at times he's lost, at times unsure, once in a while he'll find her
next; gently brushing memories away, take off, and wonder
she'll know too well she can't betray that unspoken reminder
may owe allegiance to no man whose miracles are kinder

crisis strikes again, and whilst in battle he thinks clearly
too bold and too far out, although he misses her severely
yes, mostly, he's a saviour though some things he does for show
so he be granted just one wish; that she could see him now

such is the overwhelming power of the greater law
that when you're in, you're set for something swelteringly raw
much harder struck when unprepared and meeting all by chance
the helpless, hopeless bliss of falling for a single glance

two hearts beat faster, oh by far, than one will ever do
can hold the more affection; although, pain and sorrow too
he settles for the simple facts, he knows it will take long
to gain relief, to shun the sights, and finally overcome

much better off with apple grass and songs and loosened ties
sweet dancing to imagined tunes, persistently he tries
yet he cannot give back, he can't refuse, he can't restore
the fate that once became him, has befallen him play sore

go by these unforeseen events, and journeys come to end
the changing of the weather, the encounter with a friend
further tell the stories and the lies present with glee
speak little of what's learnt, and leave unveiling features be

a traveller without a proper home, but he's alright
he's got a ship of dreams and vigour, blistering with light
a magical machine to which he must return at last
go chasing for the future and abandoning the past

**
He once was Casanova, but to me he's always Doc
And everything'd be super if they just could turn the clock
Cos Lucky Ten's no lucky man, he wanders on his own
He's settled for the slow path, seeking someone who is gone


DEUTSCH: FREUNDSCHAFTGESCHICHTE
mission: for alle som ikke kan tysk, eller ønsker å vite i klartekst hva det er jeg driver med, så ønsket jeg altså å beskrive vennskap og lidenskap og hvor fort allting kan falle til jorden og bli til støv, bli borte, bli ingenting tilbake. theme: vennskapsforhold, som sagt. om litt for mange skuffelser og en resignert observatør av livets skyggesider. style: sammenhengende, sammensurium, litt monotont, rytmisk, stream-of-consciousness, fancy thingies, deprimerende undertoner. tankestrøminger og frustrasjon. twist: johan harstad-referanser, anyone?

"gleichfalls" - ohne schatten, ohne mauer, ohne mich
von scaramouche, die po(t)etin - und ich hab also, mit völler ubelegung, die wörter hindurch nicht gross geschrieben, weil diese sonderliche anfangsbuchstaben so unnötig und...unpraktisch sind! tut mir echt leid, aber wirklich!

freundschaft ist mal
leidenschaft
wurde mich gelernt
und angewöhnt
später, danach, als ich
reifer war
ganz ausgewachsen
wurde so als falsch bestätigt
kein wunder
gegen die überraschung
ging ich
unerwartet
ich hab' zu viel gesehen
durchgelebt
und mir angezogen worden
kann nichts mehr
sie lügen
wenn sie wollen
gehen, hinter, sehen mich nie
von vorne an
der sagt, so kennt man
null sonst
die lacht, so weiss man
null ferner
und übderdies von denen
nichts gefragt,
gleichseitig nichts gesagt,
vermerkt, oder wie
nichts anders
ohne schatten, ohne mauer
bin ich nur als ich
ein usw, ein' sache, eine weise
worauf ich gekommen war
und dann verloren
besser als allein zusammen
weil die freundschaft wird
kein leidenschaft
wenn leiden alles ist
was übrig hier gelassen wurde
solch verliess mich
gar nicht mehr

ITALIANO: I MIEI ESERCIZI
mission: livsfarlig, potensielt pinlig prosjekt - on demand, faktisk; fordi italiensk-læreren min insisterte på at jeg "burde skrive noe snart". og det gjorde jeg da. theme: Den Umulige Kjærleiken. om gutter som er frastøtende og uhyggelig tiltrekkende på én og samme tid. hvordan de tvinner meg rundt lillefingeren, til tider, og får meg til ikke å vite hvor jeg skal gjøre av meg eller hva jeg skal si. om å ikke kunne glemme. style: bokstavrim og tilfeldige ting som hørtes fint ut på engelsk (originalutgaven var delvis på engelsk, må da sies) og enda finere på italiensk. håper ikke skrivefeilene og den uholdbare grammatikken er altfor fremtredende, men på en annen side; hvor mange nordmenn snakker egentlig flytende italiensk? hvor mange italienere leser bloggen min? hvor mange gidder å bry seg om feilaktig gradbøyning, så lenge innsatsen er så oppriktig og helhjertet? twist: unintended rhymes, flott bruk av fjorten forskjellige verbformer på finurlig vis, synes undertegnede, og ifølge nevnte italiensklærer ganske så høytidelig formulert. intet mindre.

"Andato e trovato" - per le mie insegnante, grazie!
Di Scaramouche, la Po(t)eta, ma con il aiuto da una amica.

il bel ragazzo
risiede nelle caverne
del mio cuore
profondo nei limiti
perso, lui; meraviglia
una parte costante
rimane di solito esterno
ma talvolta entra
e utilizza il suo spirito
per ottenere a me;
magari vince, varia,
questo malo, brutto;
ciò vero orrore che non
sopporto
però è irresistibile
sempre, dovunque,
ma tutto diventa
caldo, che confonde;
spesso non so
se desidererò
di nuovo mi che faccia
visita, in seguito a
proprio immerso
nei miei pensieri
non afferro che il mio
interiore
si svuota oppure gioisce

**
HÅPER DIKTNINGEN FALT I SMAK! ;)
PO(T)ETENS OPPDRAG WILL BE CONTINUED - SHORTLY! ALL COMMENTS MUCH APPRECIATED, THANKS FOR STOPPING BY.

Remembering the Titan

[Image: The King of Queen onstage, striking a familiar pose. No-one but him, none better! Courtesy of Queenzone's Freddie Gallery, thanks a lot, all rights served.]

Got a small comment in store on this Saturday evening, technically pre-midday, just about, with more than a small percentage of alcohol still left in my blood, and my head being a little fuzzy and my whole body a little tipsy - not solely due to the very moderate partying, I must admit, but also as a result of feeling slightly worn out from intense school work and massive lack of sleep. Can't stop me from writing, though! ;) So, what's new? Let me think. Exciting, fascinating, groundbreaking, pioneering news; not really, but significant nonetheless! - for today marks the 16th year of music business going on without Freddie Mercury. Our beloved Mr. Bad Guy, the one and only, died on the 24th of November 1991, and that of course makes this whole day a bit sad, to say the least, a date with depressing connotations more likely. Yet there is so little we can do about this awful unalterableness of death; all I can manage, in honour of this great artist, of his work and of this special calendar moment, is to put on one of his records. Turn up the volume on "Foolin' Around", and enjoy. Completely. Revel in this unique vocal technique that he alone could produce. An indescribable talent that no superlatives can measure up to, no praising words can cover sufficiently. So a smile will have to do. Similarly, all I can tell the man himself, is that wherever you are, Freddie, wherever you've gone to, I hope you're happy, genuinely happy; I hope you get to sing and play and have fun and just be yourself, and - most importantly - that you're admired for it. We miss you so very much and we keep wishing you were here, that the course of time and destiny didn't have to be so unfair. We will remember you, always, and make sure - as much as we possibly can - that your works live on in the memory of your posterity, and all coming generations as well. Moreover, that you may keep your legend status in the mind of the common man, that people will regard you with appropriate respect and awe for the rest of our days on earth. That's a promise. Come to think of it, I didn't even know the man, I was three years when he died. Imagine what a loss he must have caused upon the people who were close to him! The ones who adored him the most and depended on him. For instance, the other remaining Queen member probably miss him even more than their massive amount of fans altogether, and here's what the newly proclaimed Doctor Brian May has to say about the matter: Cut to SoapBox. I second that, wholeheartedly. R.I.P, Freddie darling, from all your beautiful people - and with love, especially, from Scara. And congrats to Brian with his doctorate and various degrees of nobility, we're mighty proud of you - our very own rock'n'roll academic!

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Imaginative Heroes and Implicit Cats

There have been quite a few poems written on request lately, but the requesting has - mostly - been that of my own. As have the various ideas and the whole background for the production. Quite like the usual routine. Maybe it has become my routine, by now, all me myself & mine-focused stuffedness, reflections on the mind and introspective poesy... Gaaah, shun the self-communing! Finalmente! ...and consequently, I reckoned it was time for some new impulses. So, here's something slightly different, for a change, and with huge thanks to a dear friend (the Imaginary Hero) who inspired me to write a poem about, well, cats. Not really cat-ish, but somewhat related thereto. Indirect measures, of course. I hardly think she will have realized, nor do I recall our discussion as to have been concerning the topic of this animal in any way whatsoever, at least not specifically, but then again - inspiration tends to take on unforseen courses. Especially when beheld by this po(t)et writer. Our co-operation - mine and Hero's, that is - has so far gained me nothing but increased productivity and loads of interesting results, including some surprising elements of a rather incidental manner, and the latest one proves no exception. I hope she will be content and find a use for it, for the sake of her own creative impulses, and I must say I am indeed pleased with these brilliant, new adventures of artistic exploration. Will be continued. Also - I'm still no good at being an emo. By the by-way, so to speak. That's about it. Conclusions come to an end, here's the piece itself:

"Limber strokes" - [draft, might be longer] - be he for his own devilish
By Scaramouche, the po(t)et, writing applied art for applications' sake only. Not...quite. But it's so much fun to have a proper, designated purpose for my writings. Again. Genuinely fascinating origin, too. Thanks a bunch to my ever-present sources of funny whims and hunches. Will credit when used. This is all strange and peculiar, and involves no clarifying material to explain meaning or content, at all, nor does it bear any resemblance to this other, strikingly similar mission of mine. It just exists, on its own, as something of an art's for art's - what, gallery? I dunno - solely. Contemplation, that's a good definition. Molto bene. Hero suggested morphing, as a key word, which I salute and consent to. Merging of human and animal-like behaviour. And souls. Ditto the chararcteristics. Wee bit creepy, incomprehensible and Poe-inspired as well. Lengthy and elaborate, on top of it. Me like dark pieces. Me not like cats that much. Guess you've got your explanation right there. Enjoy!

half the face to meet the fur
of yellow ribbons in the eyes
and starlit lips behind the grid
like wading by the riveside

look to blue then perserverance
surpassed by far the common vermin
an auditory monarch's realm, hold
mighty wisdom for the worthless

in a state of no allegiance
commited to his plight by honour
seeking freedom nonetheless,
to place a paw upon the double

crawling, creeping in-between
his world made up of balks
yet climbed with importunity
a warring, energetic corpus
**
sinister of flesh and blood and teeth
you catch him on the candid rebound
shoving motions down the drain like flux
to cloak him in the dust of his diminished

all has taught him how to pay forfeit
prescriptive orders come intuitively
and like decorated robes of the foregone
he loiters with indoctrinated pride
**
whole the tail to wag unbended
lighter stripes let patterns break
nothing left for him too sullen
repent another time perchance

the moon reflects the glittering
of dupery and rapid movement
a frivolous but lonesome runner
across the lawn, beaneath, and vanished

whether booted, praised or banished
under door panels or trees
he's a ghostly blending creature
in with crowds or wood or night

single acts or regimentals
terror is for him a curse
forever crowned its jackal champion
be he a devil of his own

Monday, November 19, 2007

Edward Fairfax Rochester is all mine!

To marry and behold!

Warning - and a disclaimer: This is, in no way, a serious take on reviewing a very serious first episode of a new, very serious TV series. This is Scaramouche's own reaction to the whole, bloody thing - and thus includes a lot of personal...reflections on cast and crew and effects. And male protagonists. Some fangirling, babbling and inconsistent drooling over hunky, British actor. Hopefully, in comprehensible writing and with vocabulary to compensate for lack of proper focus and complete loss of concentration. I am a devoted student! I should have no time for this! But I honestly don't care! (Moreover, I do study British literature, so - technically - this is part of my curriculum. What a neat excuse!)

A man comes riding at fast speed through the fog, on a pitch-black horse, somehwere in the English country side. Across fields of musky grey and hills of green. Between sceletons of trees and bubbling rivers. He's got dark hair to match his outfit, and a suitable hat to prevent it from flowing all over the place. His eyes are steel blue and his clothes bear the colours of the nature, of this misty season. Strikingly attractive, mysterious as the night; his stature of an impressive manner. Cloak and boots, rusty voice, unsteady temper and a subtle performance. Deliciously unpredictable. Something of a Van Helsing meets The Phantom meets Jack Harkness. There he is, the gentleman of the hour, mean and magnificent, radiant and rude; irresistible from the very first line. With an intriguing disposition and an attitude intense enough to knock even the most persistent young lady of her feet and sweep her off the ground, literally or not, preferrably landing softly in his arms thereafter. A killer smile and a gaze to die for. The other way around, also, and mimicry to study closely. Gets a bit confusing after a while. Not very healthy, but pretty addictive, and very engaging. Will be totally bleary and miserable after the final episode, I reckon. Four-parter, 200 minutes, I will positively exhaust myself. But for the moment, I am enthusiastic to say the least.

So, anyway. This then happens to be my first impression, my first encounter, with new BBC drama series "Jane Eyre" - based on the book, starring the brilliant Ruth Wilson, filmed at beautiful old manors in the middle of nowhere, blah blah blah -minor details, all of which were soon forgotten, thanks to a certain Mr. Toby Stephens in the lead role. Good God, what I'd give to be embraced by his Mr. Edward Rochester of Thornfield. This man puts even The Darcy himself aside; making Colin Firth look like a Sunday school teacher with no agenda; whereas the complex, old Rochester suddenly seems like the most eligible man 19th century Britain ever had to offer. Of course, I've been a fan of Toby for some time - ever since he made Pierce Brosnan just a little older than necessary, by comparison, in his last Bond adventure - "Die Another Day". Where Toby, on his hand, played the ridiculously handsome villain Gustav Graves and (thereby) managed to make the whole film worthy of watching, which indeed is an achievement he should be proud of. Earlier, he'd made a memorable appearance in crime series "Poirot", which was in fact where I first made his acquaintance, and later on he's starred in "Cambridge Spies", "Space Cowboys" and some other (rubbish) pieces, in addition to lots of theatre work. Which he's even better at. And then, at last, he takes to the screen as the ultimate impersonation of a classic novel character; so great, he'll leave you gasping for air. Ok, he's sexy as Hell, but his acting is more than decent too. Then again, I am a complete sucker for men with long hair and whiskers. Add some period drama costumes, historic settings, poet shirts and leather boots, some tingling music and heartbreaking storylines, intriguing plottings and an overall amazing cast - and you've got me hooked. My darling Beeb, you make my days worth while. Has there ever been anything less than perfect coming from that department of boundless creativity, I wonder. The series itself is original, dramatic and exciting. Scary at times; very gothic and gloomy. But most of all: terrifically executed. Extremely romantic. Sensual, even, and a lot more daring than the other, similar works I've seen so far. Quality television, in every possible direction. No flaws - apart from my only objection, and that goes to the team behind the editing, which could have done a more thorough job. Otherwise, it's utterly stylish; with surprising, modern effects - like the opening scene in the desert. The angle, the portrayal of Jane and Rochester's relationship, is also very straightforward and - yes - modern. Which makes the whole thing more enjoyable and easier to relate to, for all women. Problematic, as that might be; since by the end of this affair, we'll all want to marry Toby Stephens. Simultaneously. Poor guy. He's already been asked, on TV, whether he considers this his "Mr. Darcy Moment". He turned pale, he turned red, and then he started laughing. But, come on, what did he expect. Waving his coat about like that, and acting so seductivekly towards poor lite Miss Eyre, you should think he had no sense of shame at all. Guilty pleasures galore - for which one must be said to be very pleased. Hardly any need for changes there, as far as I'm concerned. May he go on lurking about the corners of his castle, rigid and brisk, and outerworldly charming; constantly flirting like there's no tomorrow. May the relationship bloom and grow and give us joy; together with a long-awaited, fussy, squealy, überhappy ending which we then definately will deserve.

Consequently: Allow me to say, Ladies and Gentlemen, the masters of period drama has provided us with yet another stroke of genius. No discussion there. I am baffled, speechless and quite a bit bewildered. Mostly due to Rochester, but hey - whilst the majority of the drama fangirls may perfectly well continue adoring Mr. Darcy, the smaller group of us fortunate J.E.-viewers can have Rochester all to ourselves! Except for the tiny, insignificant little issue of his being happily married - to Jane, onscreen, and to Anna-Louise Plowman in real life. The latter having starred in "Doctor Who" and all; where she was utterly fantastic; I can't really break that up, now, can I? Have to dream, then, of my own landowner - to have and behold - someone so pathetically lovable on the inside and an equally desirable on the outside. To wink cheekily at me, whilst resting in his comfy chair by the fire side, golden petals of light lingering on his face. And walk beside me, through the woods, secretly observing my every step, my every move, and opening every door for me, pulling out every chair. Being a proper man, the way they used to be; a set of behaviour I'd be delighted to have the newer generations return to. But time passes, and we change. Fortunately, there are still methods available, to take us back in time, to the glory of ancient fashion. Preferred manners. True and faithful, fateful, fated Love. All that the BBC makes me forget I miss, for a second. In other words: dreaming of good, old-fashioned Loverboy-Lords will have to do. And nicely!

Sunday, November 18, 2007

All my love to long ago - and days to come!

[Image: Two Doc's, one Bear. *Swoon*. Courtesy of Team Tennant and their brilliant site, which covers all of our Whovian interests. Love. And all rights served, blah blah blah. Article including some hotlinks to BBC shots, many thank you's and stuff and don't bother minding my business.]

Not a lot of men can carry off a decorative vegetable.

**On things that may positively kill you - and of pure entertainment, that is. In other words, be not surprised if finding notice in daily paper, saying fangirls died of sweetness overload this weekend. Lying on the carpet, giggling, weeping and acting slightly bizarre. This will of course be a reference to the Children in Need-show, where David Tennant (again, but this time without Billie) did his work for charity, and had no other than Peter Davison come and join him for a good cause. Well, technically, I guess the BBC made that arrangement. For our common pleasure's sake. Peter Moffat had created a short standalone adventure, set sometime in-between the Season 3 Finale and the Christmas Special, featuring two Doctors - the Fifth and the Tenth - in a crossover episode called "Time Crash". Literally about a crash between two worlds - of which it didn't explain anything, except some timey wimey stuff that I can't recollect, but made me laugh heartily at the time. Ironically, I do think it all made sense. I just didn't get the whole sensible-ness - what's a "helmic regulator", anyway? - praobably due to my lack of understanding when it comes to the subject of physics. Which David's Doctor, again, has been a teacher of. 'Nuff said. The whole shebang was a dialogue-sequence, albeit including some TARDIS-effects and fancy lightning, with loads of confusion, confrontation, running about - it even got a bit intimate after a while. Extremely nostalgic, cosy and charming to have such a double-date, once again, and to have two of the youngest, brightest, cutest Doctors ever together on-screen, dicussing their business in such a very Doctor-like manner which only they possibly could; a Doctor discussing with himself in the character of another Doctor, arguing about Daleks and The Master and former companions, nothing beats that. So adorable, so...touching. I was just captivated. Not only good Doctors, but good actors too; with such energy and presence and charisma in front of the camera, viewers are bound to be amazed. Quite simply. (Serious want of more adjectives, superlatives and fitting comments now, but I just can't seem to behold any further. Pity.) I, personally, didn't like the former CiN/DW-collaboration very much, this whole post-regeneration scene with Rose being angry and Ten being wild, which was also one of the reasons I didn't appreciate the thought of having Tennant as the "new Doctor" at the time. This one - on the other hand - this latter, more thoroughly prepated one was far better. But very unexpected. Nothing's better than the Beed managing to take us by surprise, though, as opposed to the usual leaks, pre-time releases and unnecessary public announcements. Let slip, even before the concerned parties themselves are aware of it. In contrast, this was serious, well-handled matters in the hands of capable, well-trained people. Steven Moffat, along with fine director Graeme Harper, surely knows what he's doing. Especially when given difficult and potentially critic tasks, such as dealing with Doctor-lite and Doctor-plus episodes. Fortunately, he tends to succeed. This was a great event for anyone who enjoys the classic as well as the "revamped" version of the series, and obviously: a happy time for anyone who's more than a bit in love with the cricket player and/or the nerd chic. Every fan(girl)'s dream, no wonder. The story's said to have made a certain fanboy (Tennant) very happy too, him being a huge admirer of old style Doctor Who and loving the 5th Doctor's era. The dialogue in the short episode also reflected this, letting Ten state how Five was "his Doctor" - and pointed out many shared abilities and liknesses between the two members of the rather dynamic duo. Tennant grinning like a madman, and Davison lifting his hat in honour of his successor. Friendly stuff and sighs. It carried on with a couple of superb dialogue exchanges (some exceptionally fantastic excerpts added throughout, in green) and typical, almost cliché debates on similarly typical Who-topics. Like - how did I know? Because I've been you, and I remember being you, and you'll know, cos you'll be me, and I remember that I remember to know! There's no place like the Whoniverse! The conclusion must be, how the only thing better than Doctor Who is Two Times Doctor Who, in one evening, with spanking new music by Murray Gold and a kind-hearted purpose to back it up. Giving new meaning to the term "two of a kind", and all. Fab opening, ending, costumes, continuity, story arc, behaviour and dealing with memorablia. Ergo: fab mentionings of old days (Nyssa and Tegan), old foes (Master with a wife, but no rubbish beard; hahaha!), and credibility (where he got that "voice thing" from; we'd always wondered). And consequently: fab prospects for a glittering future! ("I'm you with a new face!") Thank goodness, there's no-one out there who can fly the TARDIS like this man - cos we don't want for there to be one, either. I'll use Five's own words to finally round this whole kinda-review-or-musing off: it truly was "pretty sort of marvellous"!

- What do you mean, a fan? I'm not just a fan, I'm you!
- Okay, you're my biggest fan.


**Moreover, Mr. Ten has recently had the privilege of being named Scotland's most eligible man in a poll carried out by newspaper Scotland On Sunday. A matter already stated, and determined as indisputably true by most fangirls; and about which girls in general tend to agree. Yet it's always a pleasure to see familiar faces top ratings, barometers and funny polls. The paper lists him at an impressive No.1, in a list of 100, declaring: "The 6ft 1in (important, why?) star is gorgeous, yet modest - describing himself as 'the least sexy man on the planet' (which is something of an understatement, David) - and refreshingly down to earth for one so famous (indeed!)." The world loves Tøffe-Tennant, and according to the man himself - as distinctly shown onstage, during the NTA ceremony - he happens to love us to. Not all circles have to be evil, as long as they're satisfactorily completed by having Rose return for the third chapter of 2009's three independent episodes. Fingers crossed, toes lifted, let's hope. Apparently, the newly released soundtrack from Series 3 and 4 bears some suggestion - through the lyrics of Murray Gold's new Christmas carol, "The Stowaway" - that this might just come to be the case. Unless the "lost girl" whom the male protagonist (The Doctor, obviously) is searching for, is someone completely different; like Martha or Joan or whoever; but still - we believe in the power of Murray the Merry, as do we believe in the power of Love, fangirling, communities, shipping and the flexible frameworks of Time and Space, and we will never stop believing that Rose eventually will come back, reunite with The Doc, and they'll live happily ever after and have lots of time travelling babies. (Ok, I really didn't need that last line, but I couldn't resist.) That's the vision. That's the happy possibility. Realistic, who knows, but still: Whatever were the joy of being imaginative a soul, if there were little whereabout one could imagine?

Ooo, there it goes, the frowny face! I remember that one! ;)

Mr. and Mrs. Jolie-Pitt

SØNDAGS-SMÅPLUKK OM FILM: Familien Jolie-Pitt driver og invaderer livet mitt for tiden. Hoho. I særdeles overført betydning. Både i form av likhetstrekk og trivialiteter, og eventyr på det store lerret. Sistnevnte kategori innbefatter også gårdagens usedvanlig merkelige kinoopplevelse; "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford". Som tidligere nevnt. Så, jadda, har endelig fått sett den nå; aller mest pga det der avsindig lange navnet. Admittedly. Måtte jo finne ut hva det var for noe rart som gjemte seg bak tidenes minst hukommelsesvennlige titulering. Og det var - merkelig, som sagt. Usedvanlig er nok fortsatt det beste ordet, for som western var den temmelig egenartet. Tar det som var på pluss-siden først, jeg. En av de beste voice-over fortellerstemmene i historien; nest etter dem i "300" og "Sin City"; veldig poetisk og for én gangs skyld tilpasset de medfølgende scenene på en prikk. Glimrende, enkel musikk. Skuespillerne var fantastiske, intet mindre, og da mener jeg ensemblet i sin helhet; jeg fikk bekreftet at Brad Pitt ikke bare er kjekk, men flink som fy - perfekt i rollen som togrøveren og den tiltagende galningen Jesse James. For noen øyne, for en mimikk, og få andre kan røyke sigar på den måten. Nonchalant til tusen. Og like gjennomført sadistisk hvis han ville. Herlig! Sam Rockwell var hjerteskjærende tafatt og skjør, og helt ubeskrivelig bra. Birolle-damene gjorde en mer enn godkjent innsats. Ble også positivt overrasket over Affleck-familiemedlemmet Casey, som er vesentlig mer sjarmerende enn sin sleske bror, og som i tillegg er et gedigent skuespillertalent. Vil se mer av ham fremover. Historien som sådan var en smule langdryg (for å si det mildt), men eksepsjonelt vakkert utformet. Med en fotografering som fremhevet kjekkas-trekkene til hovedrolleinnehaverne i så stor grad som er fysisk mulig. Det ytre ble altså ren nytelse, av dimensjoner jeg ikke en gang har ord for å beskrive. Alle western-klisjéene, all stilismen; stearinlys, togsett, skoger, hester; utnyttet til fulle og herregud, så betagende. Det var så nydelig filmet at det nesten var for mye av det gode. I grunnen ble det litt i overkant, siden mange av scenene var tunge, lange, slow-motion landskapssekvenser. I motsetning til den enda mer vellykkede "Danser med ulver" - som tok i bruk flere av de samme teknikkene og tilhører samme sjanger - ble de langtekkelige i all sin stille og snødekte nedtonethet. For en western-fanatiker er tradisjonelle midtvest-skildringer aldri å forakte, men de bør helst ha en konkret handling som bakteppe. Denne filmen hadde forsåvidt også det, men den halte ut ride-sekvensene og "to menn sitter i mørkt rom og tyner hverandre med ordknapphet og smale blikk"-scenene litt for ofte - og det er begrenset hvor detaljert jeg trenger å studere ansiktstrekkene til Brad Pitt, selv om han er en av verdens aller barskeste menn. Likevel: jeg skjønner hensikten med tempoet, og detaljrikdommen. Jeg skjønner konstruksjonen og oppbygningen. Avslutningen var gedigen, uten at jeg skal avsløre den ved å fortelle mer. Dog er filmen ganske forutsigbar, på en fascinerende måte; den leder deg med sikre skritt mot undergangen, heller enn å la den komme brått på. Den gjør deg bevisst hva som skjer, og du ser det skje, hvorpå du kjenner en slags frurtrasjon over at det må være slik; filmen innehar en slags nøktern, konstaterende stil som slår fast allverdens djevelskap; skildrer den i all sin grusomhet; uten å trekke slutninger, og du blir sittende igjen med en visshet, men ingen formening. Hvilket jeg likte meget godt. Åpningen - med togrøveriet og vandringen i røyken - er også noe av det beste som er laget på film noensinne. Jeg hadde gåsehud over hele meg, og behovet meldte seg drastisk for en mann med lang frakk, hatt og halstørkle. Hardhudet barskhet personifisert og gjort latterlig attraktivt. Brad Pitt var dessuten, vel, ubehagelig genial i hovedrollen. Kan ikke understrekes eller gjentas nok. Så - jeg vet ikke helt - kanskje jeg kommer til å like denne filmen bedre og bedre med tiden, når jeg får tenkt mer over den og fordøyet den litt mer; kanskje jeg kommer til at alt sammen egentlig var ganske nødvendig og ganske fabelaktig, helhetlig sett, at det var akkurat slik det måtte være. Dessuten: den hadde en stille, tett spenning som en gjennomgående streng i handlingen; en film med definitiv nerve. Ikke spennende eller actionfylt hele tiden, som sagt, men til gjengjeld svært brutal når den først gikk inn for det. Langsomt driv; med plutselige pistoldueller innimellom all kivingen og ridningen. En slags deprimerende, mer iøyefallende utgave av eposene til Sergio Leone; med mykere menn og mer moderne setting. Ulidelig trist, selvfølgelig, og veldig...stille. Ja. Men det velskrevne manuset; de virkelig intense replikkvekslingene og forbausende lavmælte konfrontasjonene; alt dette gjorde "The Assassination of Jesse James..." til en meget severdig affære, på alle måter. Legg til en dose hevngjerrige tøffinger og et miljø der ingen lover overholdes og regelen er drap rettferdiggjør drap - vel, da har du en høyt over middels filmkveld. Hadde de bare satt opp tempoet bittelitt og kuttet ned et par av spaserturene, da hadde jeg blitt helt fornøyd.

Videre; hva angår Brads kone, fru Angelina, uttalte hun nylig at hun da ikke kan lage mat - at hun overhodet ikke liker å kokkelere, så familien må hyre noen andre til å fikse Thanksgiving-måltid - og at hun generelt foretrekker å feirer månefestival med sønnene sine, fremfor allverdens andre og mer tradisjonelle tradisjoner. Enig der, må jeg si. Jeg kan ikke for det, men jeg beundrer stadig den damen - selv om hun er et skraptynt beinrangel og relativt sprø blitt. Hun er (eller, i allefall, var) en spennende, ukonvensjonell, mystisk og klok skuespillerdame og mye mer interessant enn disse blondisene som ellers dominerer bransjen. Også pleide hun, en gang i tiden, for lenge siden, å være den kuleste actionfilm-heltinnen som fantes. Med muskler og flette og Gerry på armen. Jeg elsker Tomb Raider-filmene - og savner den formfulle, stilfulle, mysende Angie med stålblikk og oppfinnsomme gadgets. Nevnte Gerry har også uttalt om henne at hun var usedvanlig hyggelig og flott på filmsettet; de to kom visst kjempegodt overens. Kjemi på lerretet hadde de også - kan man trygt si. Men underholdningsbransjen er en hensynsløs affære, det er hun levende bevis på. Jeg håper det går henne bedre, snart, og at hun kan begynne å legge på seg igjen. Det er ikke vakkert å være så tynn at selv åletrange skinnbukser henger og slenger, og kneskålene buler ut som noen uformelige tennisballer på villspor. Ingen som vet hva Mr. Brad mener om den saken, og det er kanskje like greit. Ingen som vet om ekteskapet deres er særlig lykkelig heller. Men et pent par, det er de; dét skal ikke kritikerne ta fra dem. Og smilene deres oppover den løperen ser da sånn circa lykkelige ut, eller hva? Angelina dro jo med seg både mann og barn rundt på tur, da hun skulle promotere sin nye film "Beowulf", som jeg ikke er helt sikker på om jeg gleder meg til, og som sannsynligvis stjeler rått fra både "Beowulf og Grendel" (med Gerry i hovedrollen) og "300" (med Gerry i hovedrollen) og visstnok reintroduserer Lara Croft-figuren til Angelina, gjennom dataanimerte kvinneformer og en eviglang hårsveis (og Gerry spilte da, som kjent, en stor birolle i "Tomb Raider 2"). Kan jeg overhodet unngå å se denne filmen? Kan jeg overhodet klare å like den og ikke bebreide dem som har laget den for rent plagiat? Kan jeg takle en gjennomført bluescreened og retjusjert sak som visstnok gjør kål på historiske hendelser og -tidlinje, så grovt at man blir fysisk uvel? Tja. Jeg får gjøre et hasardiøst forsøk. Jeg har jo lidd meg gjennom "Timeline" flere ganger allerede - og overlevd med glans. Livet bli fort langtekkelig uten en real utfordring i ny og ne. Jeg utsetter meg for filmers overveldende innflytelse. Og lar meg helskinnet rive med.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Begynnende demontert

En relativt ukonvensjonell bokanmeldelse

Dette er nøyaktig det jeg hadde forutsett at det måtte bli. Jeg kan på ingen måte gjøre nok heder og ære på denne boken kun gjennom en kort, Blogger-tilpasset anmeldelse. Ergo blir dette en heller ufullstendig, men forsøksvis beskrivende anmeldelse - godkjent, i form av en (etter mine begreper) dekkende gjengivelse av tematikk og handlingsmønter og en språkbruk som til det usympatisk dristige (og sikkert ulovlige) imiterer forfatterens egen - altså: både om, og sterkt influert av, Johan Harstad. Mitt idol, mitt store forbilde, min kilde til umettelig inpirasjon. Som jeg føler jeg deler svært mange likhetstrekk med, på svært mange (skremmende, påfallende) måter. Det er da en hyllest, fordi han så veldig fortjener nettopp dét, og den stiller et behov - hos undertegnede - for heftig og begeistret bearbeidelse, etter endt gjennomgang av et massivt, svært intenst og oppslukende bokverk som man ikke setter upåvirket tilbake i hyllen, og som forhåpentligvis ikke vil gå upåaktet hen i norsk litteraturhistorie. Det var over all forventing bra, dét kan jeg si med én eneste gang. Det var dessuten nok en bekreftelse på hvem som rettmessig innehar rollen som min absolutte yndlingsforfatter i hele, hele, hele verden. Fine mannen. Alright, here goes:

Soundtrack: Kim Wilde. Trenger åttitall til slikt. Pluss at boken tar for seg dette tiåret, på utmerket vis, og illustrere alle dets grusomheter og lykksaligheter; jeg gir meg over. Jeg har nå lest ferdig "Hässelby", Johan Harstads nyeste roman; den kritthvite, lille rarieteten av en anti-bestseller (dessverre, må sies, at han ikke blir lest av så mange) med ubestridelig kultpotensiale. Jeg er utslitt og helt tom inni meg. På mange måter traumatisert, irritert, fascinert og ganske fortumlet. Dette er, etter min mening, noe av det mektigste som er skrevet innen norsk litteratur de siste hundreårene. Det er fullstendig vanvittig, og ubehagelig bra. Det er en bok som prøver å favne absolutt alt og til slutt viser seg å handle om absolutt alt og absolutt ingenting på én og samme tid, fordi den går rundt seg selv og ender opp i en bakevje der ingenting lenger kan finnes. Jeg vil ikke si noe om hva jeg tror det betyr, det som står i den; konklusjonen må være at dette er en bok som ikke kan forstås på slike betingelser, i en slik forstand, og jeg vil heller tolke den på en annen måte; jeg vil si noe om hva den fikk meg til å føle, hvordan den etterlot meg mentalt sønderreven og utkjørt og at jeg ikke ante i hvilken retning jeg skulle la mine egne funderinger fly avsted. Diverse, knapt sammenhengende tanker: først og fremst, med henvisning til Harstads mange David Lynch-referanser, jeg leste i et fiktivt intervju med samme regissør for noen uker siden, i Bergens Tidende, at man kan ta seg i å lure på når han vil innkalle til pressekonferanse, når han endelig vil kremte, folde hendene, beskue forsamlingen andektig og deretter avsløre at alt bare var tull, tøys og vissvass, noe som aldri burde ha skjedd og som egentlig ikke skjedde; nøyaktig denne følelsen får jeg etter å ha lest "Hässelby". Jeg vet da pokker hva som foregikk, men et eller annet var det; en forutanelse, en visjon, en tankegang, forbigående, som en uendelig busstur i feil kjørebane. Virkelig, fiksjonsbasert, who cares, men full av metafysikk, interne referanser, gjensidig forvirringsbehov, gjenstridige metaforer, motsetningsforhold, suggesjon, repetisjon, stream of consciousness, indre reiser, demoner og flyvende papirlapper. Teorier om verdens ende, hvordan alt kan ta slutt. Manfred Binder, Damien Rice, gudene vet hva mer. Litt som å befinne seg i en vond, ukontrollerbar mardrøm, for så våkne opp, komme ut på andre siden og ikke vite hvor man er. Men der finnes ikke noe slikt som tilfeldigheter; verden er komplett og sirkulær; Johan Harstad er litt gal og veldig genial. Han har en rytme (som det ikke nødvendigvis går an å danse til), en gjenkjennelig form, så du umiddelbart vet det er ham, du vet nesten hva som skjer før det skjer, du vet at havet stiger og at ingen er gode, at skjelettene hviler i skapet og truer med å falle ut når du er som minst forberedt, når du ønsker at det skal falle på plass i stedet. Star Wars, Radiohead, Wikipedia-referansene, åttitallsmimringen; samtlige er hjertelig tilstede. Hadde savnet dem, ellers, og bli alltid like glad når forfattere velger å følge opp sine særpreg, skape en egen tradisjon, gi seg selv en klassisk stil og følge den som en trofast hund i egne potespor. Har man lest Harstads tre tidligere verker, kjenner man godt til tematikken, men det forandrer lite, det er kun en fordel. Man har kjenskap til hans univers, hans utganger, hans metoder. Bygging, nedrivning, lange samtaler, villfarne unge menn i fremmede byer. Den største forskjellen er at i de forrige bøkene gikk alt bra til slutt, det gjorde faktisk det; i sterk, nesten grell kontrast til denne, hvor alt går åt skogen, til Helvete, til Hässelby; og vi møter Albert Åberg i dennes personlige übermareritt, konstant på grensen mot det apatiske, over grensen mot det absurde, definitivt langt uti det psykotiske. Jeg skal ikke engang gå innpå hvordan mannen kan tørre å bruke A.Å. i denn sammenhengen, det har jeg da heller ikke tenkt å prøvde å finne ut av. Det jeg vet er at det fungerer så inderlig vel; at "Hässelby" handler om barndommens traumer, og at man som leser blir plassert i nøyaktig samme situasjon som helten selv; igjen befinner romanen seg på et metanivå, der de illusjonene man hadde bygget seg opp, det forrådet av sannheter, vissheter, trygghetsskapende momenter som man baserer tilværelsen på - det bare forsvinner, det brytes ned, alle bildene fra barnebøkene, alle historiene man ikke riktig husker hvorhen man har fra, men vet at man har blitt fortalt; alt dette kommer sammen og danner en helhet som Johan Harstad effektivt går inn for å rive i stykker, skjære opp i bitte små biter som han kjører gjennom en treskemaskin og omformulerer til surrealistiske forfølgelsessekvenser der hverken Albert eller leseren helt tør å innse hva som foregår. Alt skal tas ifra deg, alt skal kuttes bort, alt skal få sitt pass påskrevet og sitt endelikt skissert opp i detalj. Det verste er at det funker. Han snakker direkte til leseren, han beretter en historie i jeg-form om en undergang man ufrivillig må ta del i, man klarer ikke styre unna, man blir dradd med. Som vanlig med denne forfatteren; jeg lar meg imponere. Han får meg til å tenke at det ikke kunne blitt sagt på noen annen måte, at fortellingen må gå nettopp slik, at det er slik det må ende, at verden er ond og vidunderlig god på samme tid; at demonene lever inni oss, hovedsaklig, og kommer ut når vi minst venter det, men noe av det beste med JH er at han ikke leverer fra seg forløsende oppskrifter på hvordan man skal fikse et skadeskutt liv og få demonene til å forsvinne, lett som ingenting, istedet lar han oss forstå hvorfor de er der, hvorfor de kommer, hvorfor havet stiger. Ja, jeg tror samme Johan er veldig redd for de stigende oseaner, at de skal drukne oss, la oss synke ned på bunnen og ikke klare å hente oss inn igjen; hvilket føles skremmende nært for en som bor i Bergen og daglig blir konfrontert med en Bryggen som når som helst kan stå under vann. Jeg kjenner meg dessuten igjen, på et vesentlig dypere nivå, i denne isnende redselen; denne forestillingen om å bli skylt vekk, den mest umerkelige måten å dø på. (Jeg kjenner meg generelt sett mye igjen i tematikken, skal innrømmes, og kanskje derfor appellerer boken slik til meg.) Mannen skriver ubeskrivelig treffende om et stort, bemerkelsesverdig liv som ikke blir sett, og som litt etter litt faller fra hverandre; han skriver sedvanlig medrivende om disse vanlige, uvanlige menneskene som mister seg selv, uten rabalder; om anselige, unnselige liv som simpelthen tar slutt. Mennesker som går til grunne og som - ja, nemlig - mister alt de eier og har, kjærligheten, identiteten, hjemmet, og til slutt fornuften med, mens omgivelsene ikke begriper hvorfor, eller hvordan; ingen henger med, ingenting henger på greip; han skildrer normalitetens fall, og de umerkelige, ødeleggende, altoppslukende kreftene som river i oss, sliter i oss, gjør oss mer sårbare enn hva sunt er. Det er også her han fanger meg; holder meg i helspenn 450 sider igjennom, og gjerne mer; for jeg blir så ubehagelig bergtatt av hvordan det er mulig å skildre the guy next door slik, og ikke rote seg bort i potensielt kjendiseri, suksess og store vyer. Hvordan den helt vanlige personen i grå frakk kan være den mest unike mannen du noensinne vil møte, i dobbel betydning; han kan endog være den mest sadistiske, noe Harstads hovedperson får erfare; og kun ved å være helt vanlig. Han lar oss slippe klisjéene, den uungåelige utviklingen mot noe perfekt; han blir aldri tradisjonell, og han lar seg aldri kue, aldri tilpasse, jeg kan ikke understreke nok hvor mye jeg beundrer denne viljen til å skape noe nytt, noe genuint spesielt! Det er ikke den traisjonsbundne formen Harstads persongalleri etterstreber; de prøver bare å fungere i hverdagen, få hjulene til å gå rundt og leve sine liv i fornuften, normalitetens, lykkelighetens navn. Hvilket naturligvis går rett vest, som tidligere nevnt. Harstad sier óg mye om hvordan vi konstruerer de minnene vi ikke har fått anledning til å erindre, og hvordan minnene deretter tar til å konstruere oss, hvordan vi lar hverdagen bli styrt av fikse idéer og horribel planlegging. Det er ikke riktig å tilpasse seg korrektheten og formalitetene, sier han indirekte; og som et oppgjør mot dette, reiser ofte heltene hans ut i verden uten eiendeler, formål og ambisjoner - bare med pass og kontanter - for å ordne opp i seg selv, starte på nytt, han er veldig opptatt av dette å få en ny begynnelse, en ny mulighet. Det triste er at for (anti-)helten Albert Åberg er det vel over før det har begynt. Man skjønner etterhvert at det kun vil gå én vei. Og, for å avlive et par myter siden jeg først er i gang: dette er ikke den Albert Åberg vi (tror vi) kjenner, dette er IKKE den strikkegenserkledde unggutten med sag og fri fantasi. Det er en mørk og mystisk personlighet han er blitt tillagt, og iløpet av de første to hundre sidene lurte jeg på om det ikke ville vært best å la boken handle om en helt annen mann, en slags ny Mattias; evt. den samme Mattias - helten fra "Buzz Aldrin..."; og ikke en figur de aller fleste av oss har et forhold til, fra barnedagene av, en kjent og kjær type med sine konvensjoner og karakteristiske trekk. Men nei. Alberts fortid er en helt annen enn den vi forventer, selv om et par av hendelsene fra de opprinnelige bøkene blir nevnt, og bildet vi har opparbeidet oss av både ham og planeten som sådan, blir totalforvridd. Opplevelsene hans i "Hässelby" er overhodet ikke i samsvar med Gunnilla Bergstrøms enkle oppsett. Her snakker vi forskrudd ungdomsstid, selvmord i venneflokken og gedigen fascinasjon for Marlon Brando. O lykke - for min del. Og jaggu slår ikke Harstad til med en helt fabelaktig vri på både minner og modningsprosess, jagggu overrasker han oss ikke til de grader det er fysisk oppnåelig; og da han mot slutten "nøster opp" alle trådene (ok, mesteparten, definitivt ikke alle - jeg tror egentlig jeg trenger en oppfølger til denne) skjønner man både forutsetningen og begrunnelsen for å ville skrive om den voksne Albert, det gir mening, det er en utrolig sammenkobling få andre ville vært i stand til å hoste opp. Hvem andre enn Johan Harstad ville klart å ikke ødelegge grunnlaget for denne historien? Hvem andre ville latt Albert Åberg gjennomgå noe slikt? Sist, men ikke minst, "Hässelby" er altså en gjennomført, utstudert, sjokkerende, sørgmodig, tankefull og inspirerende roman. Med et cover verdt å merke seg (skjønte endelig hvorfor også, nå!) og en sluttsekvens i en så egen divisjon at man blir matt. Mer strukturert og dyster enn de foregående, mer bisarr, og om ikke bedre, så i allefall mer original. Enda mer handling, action og spenning. Enda flere kunstneriske innslag, som fotografier (Harstad er en eminent fotograf, må vite!), tegninger og fun facts innimellom. Bortgjemte visdomsord, på uventede steder. Her har du en fyr som vet å utnytte internettet for alt det er verdt, og han finner frem til rarieteter få andre vil ha hørt om. Eksempelvis Manfred Binder. En riv ruskende gal tysker, med apokalyptiske fremtidsvisjoner og redningsplanen klar. Som en gest til Johan, og andre medsammensvorne lesere og fans, vil jeg under poste videoen som står nevnt i boken, innslaget som Albert ser gjengitt på tysk TV under sitt (tragiske) opphold i München. Reality fades into black and goes into attack position. We'll wonder if we'll ever surrender. Og med dét sier jeg nok en gang tusen hjertelig takk til Johan Harstad - den briljante, unge lovende - for hans bidrag til min høyst personlige, leser-tilfredshet. Vil ha mer! Veldig snart!

[Og for alle dem som ikke skjønner tysk, eller ikke skjønner noenting, eller begge deler, eller ikke skjønner noenting selv om de snakker språket flytende: Denne mannen er litt sprø, ganske tragikomisk og veldig irrelevant om du ikke har lest "Hässelby". Så er dere advart. Les boken og kom tilbake hit for en utdypende, forklarende titt inn i Harstadmannens idérikdom. Og forrykte kildekritikk. Husk også å lese nøye gjennom kildehenvisningene og takketalen hans, og legg merke til inndelingen, "blablabla", og små - lett oversette - miniatyrfraser og hemmeligheter, her og der og innimellom alt sammen. Gjelder hele boken, forsåvidt. Takk til youtube-mennesker som gjør dagen gladere og til Johan, igjen, for å øke min trivia-viten og utvide mine fornuftshorisonter. Utvilsomt.]