No, Mister Bond, I don't expect you to die!

Exaggeratedly long, perhaps, or should I say extensive James Bond kinda-essay-post, which I spent an overly huge number of minutes (hours) producing and which contains several elements of obsessive fangirl musings and unimportant details, plus some drool-inspiring pistol-photos. As always, with credit to other sources but those existing solely in my own head - a.o. must credit Dad, Official Bond-sites, Wikipedia and loads of other places who won't ever catch me stealing anyways, but to whom I am eternally grateful for unknowingly lending me sources of sorely needed inspiration.

Some filmatic fun on a Wednesday afternoon. About one of my absolute darlings: BOND, JAMES BOND. Watched "Diamonds are Forever" on Monday and "Thunderball" last night, after which I came to realize that I still, undeniably and incorrigibly, have a major crush on Mister James. I grew up watching the films, time and time again, memorizing weird trivia and making up funny traditions. For instance, due to my belief, as the various Bonds take their final cue, they always end up with the last Bond-girl. Thus giving that George Lazenby's lived to be a very lonely man, and Roger Moore's become extremely sick of Charlie's Angels. Furthermore, I still find the need to compare any potential boyfriend to the real potential of Monsieur Bond, and this has resulted in certain complications because, in Scara's twisted fangirl mind, James Bond is just the most brilliant, perfect gentleMAN; almost in any shape and personification. Other, normal guys just don't match up. And by the way, did I mention, Gerard Butler is the essentially exquisite Über-Ideal Bond? As for the ones who've actually had the opportunity to portray the Double-O; I do prefer Connery, Brosnan, Dalton - and Craig. They are in many respects quite alike and, the way I see it, represent the most Bond-like amonst the various impersonators - whereas Moore always was too light and Lazenby too silly and slipshod (lol! nice word, though!) for my taste. But as for the Fantastic Four, I'd like to provide a short summary of what I enjoy about each and every one of them:

Classic Connery (admirable): the first incarnation of Mr. JB and thus the one most people immediately think of in connection with the character. To me, he was the dark, complex (frequently gentleman but sometimes slob) ironizising, squinting, carefree and elegant James with a toughness, although sometimes limited, which allowed him to beat up thugs and gave (especially the earlier amongst) his films a rather hard edge. He had a stylish, matter-of-course-like behaviour to him, which saw him hazardiously breaking into tower buildings, almost getting eaten by sharks, losing his companions to evil villains and having a happy hour drink thereafter, never shivering, and his hands never shaking. He couldn't possibly flinch. Nor could he blink. He always took the time to flirt with beautiful women, seek pleasure, and enjoy life. Still, he had the seriousness and grave understanding which Moore lacked. You could sense the often-troubled man underneath, the agent doomed unable to settle down and who must always travel further, getting into clinches and jeopardizing his life and career - yet, somehow, loving it every step of the way. Loving trouble, really. Connery incorporated all the abilities and distinctive features which we's refer to as Bond-ish. To many fans, including myself, he is The Ultimate Bond - if not the best one. But he became the character; from the top of his head to his toes, and the tio of his fingernails. And few of the other Bonds match up with Connery's acting skills, that's for sure.

Tough Timothy (lovable): unorthodox, sincere and handsome, with a quiet charm, Timothy Dalton apparently was closer to how Ian Fleming is said to have imagined his own character on film. He is also the one who resembles Craig the Clown the most, although the latter is of course the more Blonde. Whereas Connery would deviate from exporing the rising emotions and return to his lighter charm when the (inner and outer) battles could get a bit too rough, Timothy took it all a bit further. "License to Kill" is probably the only, true anti-hero Bond-film and certainly one of the most emotional. Dalton's greatest weakness, but also what I tend to love the most about him, is how he let people get (maybe a bit too far) underneath Bond's skin and how his anger, his joy and his care is always so imperfectly real and he lets it shine through. Some would, moreover, claim he lost too much of the Connery-like elegance, which he at times embodied quite well in my opinion, searching for the soberer side of the hero. Regardless, Timothy's Bond stated a very nice double-feature appearance and he remains - undoubtedly -the best looking Bond of them all. Again, in my humble opinion. His dashing, wry smile could make girls melt in a way none of the others can dream of achieving. Burning eyes, athletic body, sexy stubbles, secret agendas, best-ever Felix Leiter team-up and loads of other finer points - plus, he introduced the peculiar boyishness which his successor would continue and make even better. Still, no-one beats Dalton as the most adorable. Down-right cute!

Brosnan the Bold (respectable): Before Craig could come and break up and revamp everything, Pierce Brosnan got his 4 films of fame - and as far as I'm concerned, he did an excellent job. He was my "first Bond" and the one who'll always be closest to my heart. Simply, because I think he brought a lot of his own and newly invented skills into the characters, yet still keeping some of the best qualities belonging to Connery and Dalton. Pierce is the coolest Bond - a bit like what I believe Steve McQueen would have brought with him, had he been given the chance to play 007 - with Moore's lightness, Connery's elegance and Dalton's seriousness all in one. Yet, at times, he is perchance a bit too clever. Too nonchalant, even slick. On the other hand, he is irresistably sarcastic, enthustiastic, intense, flirtatious, daredevilish and tough. And dark - in a good sense. The modern version of Connery's archetypal Secret Service member, with long coats and impeccable hair. Superficial, yeye, but the man has proper style. And in addition; a likeable, American friend named Wade, a lovable half-foe, half-friend named Hagrid - sorry, Valentin Zukovsky - and an unsettled relationship with Teri Hatcher. Me like Brosnan. Probably the most. Also, because "GoldenEye" is my favourite Bond-film and because the others are so unbelievably great as well. With co-stars such as Sean Bean, Famke Janssen, Michael Kitchen (Foyle's War, anyone?), Halle Berry, Gerard Butler (weeeeeeeeee!!!!!), Izabella Scorupco, Michelle Yeoh, Toby Stephens and Minnie Driver (singing!) it has to be wonderful.

Craig the Clown (complicated): first, and not least, I don't despise Daniel Craig. Seriously, I don't. Otherwise, he wouldn't be mentioned here, but end up lost in the disregarded category of the less significant ones (Moore-on and Lazy-by, haha). Thing is, I just enjoy referring to him as The Clown, because he IS a clown, and when it comes to playing Mister Bond he's definately not the right one. Yet, he's a superb actor (did I just admit that? OMFG!) and I include him because he starred in a top-ten Bond-film, production-wise, with one of the best and most surprising plots and cast in history and with - thank heavens - fewer special effects and almost no CGI; the latter which unfortunately was what flawed the Brosnan-films. But now, at last, Bond is back to scratch - heavy-hearted, humurous, untrained, self-proclaimed larger-than-life (with a gun that's rather larger-than-him, haha) and fanatically gritty. As opposed to Brosnan who might have brought a bit of lightness to the dark, Craig exemplifies good, old-fashioned gloom in a purely dark sense of utter, Blonde darkness. Despite the fact that he has no style, and an ugly bathrobe, he possesses some careelss, unintentional elegance and subtle intelligence which makes it impossible to hate him. Fortunately. Although he can't beat them with high-tech and well-developed skills, he is tough enough by nature to scare the shit out of the bad guys. Charm the women, too. With all his twofold-ness and suspect tendencies, he can hardly be said to act very professionally, nor is he very clever, but DAMN! does he look great in swimming trunks! And, apart from the piercing gaze and that infamous dry humour, the panties-look is about the most praising thing I find worthy of mentioning, in ref. to Craig the Clown's assets. However, his films may slowly (yet probably) blow away that final trace of contempt...!

Other contextual preferences (with some thanks to Wikipedia and more or less objective and/or relevant): Favourite - Director: Martin Campbell, Scene: the Beach Boys surf-scene ("View to a kill") and the tanks-scene (from the all tanked up-scene in "GoldenEye"; my favourite scene from ANY film, ever), Couple: Pierce Brosnan/Halle Berry (f.ex. in combat outfits, jogging after an airplane), Couple with undertones: Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd, Staff members: Samantha Bond's Moneypenny (because she's got guts!), Judi Dench's M (Queen of Numbers) and Desmond Llewelyn (R.I.P!) as Q, Theme song: "You know my name" by Chris Cornell, Villain: Donald Pleasance's/Telly Savalas' Blofeld, Grace Jones' May Day and Richard Kiel's Jaws, Bond girl: Famke Janssen, Minor characters: General Gogol & Valentin Zukovsky, Significantly insignifant, almost invisibly minor character: Gerry Butler's cameo role in "Tomorrow never dies" (forget Sharon Stone; here's the ideal place to use one's pause button!), Automobile: the remote controlled car from "Tomorrow never dies", Other Vehicle as driven by Bond: that variously accessorized Russian tanks, Flaw: the fact that the agent who prides himself in never being disguised wears two different and totally masking costumes in "Octopussy", one of which is - of all possible things - a clown suit (feel inspired, Craig?), Britney Spears-lookalike: Bibi Dahl, Place for a rendezvous: the bizarre escape pod with practical curtains in "the Spy who loved me", Location: the Japanese house in "You only live twice" and the beach houses in "For your eyes only" & "GoldenEye", Bar: the Cuban beach club in "Die another day", Animal: Blofeld's cat, Jewellery: the diamond necklace worn by Blofeld's cat in "Diamonds are forever" and Sophie Marceau's strategically covering funeral ear-rings, Bond Outfit: Timothy Dalton's camouflage tux in "Living Daylights", Bond-girl Outfit: Claudine Auger's swim suits and Barbara Bach's Egypt dress, Item: the gift lighter used by Bond to kill Sanchez in "License to Kill", Q-gadgets: the killing umbrella, the wannabe K-9 robot-thingy, Little Nellie, the credit card door-opener, the briefcase with a hidden, folding and very much fix-yourself sniper rifle, Most dislikeable, unamiable idiot of a misplaced minor character inlcuding a following car chase: Sheriff J.W. Pepper and the flying boat(s), Style (cinematographic, costume, total look): Goldfinger, American cameos: Christopher Walken and Michael Madsen, Quote: "I aaam inviincibaaal!!", Boris at the end of "GoldenEye", Komissar Rex-reference: the Vienna Ferris-wheel, need I say more?